5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a
restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The
restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where
he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied,
“There is a pond near my house that is full of
frogs–millions of them. They croak all during the
night and are about to drive me crazy!”

So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an
agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the
restaurant five hundred at a time for the next several
weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the
restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny
little frogs. The restaurant owner said, “Well…where
are all the frogs?” The farmer said, “I was mistaken.

There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they
sure were making a lot of noise!” Next time you hear
somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember
it’s probably just a couple of noisy frogs.

Also–remember that problems always seem bigger in the
dark. Have you ever lain in your bed at night worrying
about things which seem almost overwhelming–like a
million frogs croaking?

Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes,
and you take a closer look, you’ll wonder what all the
fuss was about . . .

I remember the night in Miami when our son, Ian, was just five years old. We were staying with relatives and it was his bedtime. When I looked at the living room floor, I knew we had a problem. Toys were all over the place. “Ian,” I said, “you need to pick up all those toys before you go to bed.”

“Daddy,” he said, “I’m too tired to pick up my toys.”

My immediate inclination was to force him to clean up the room. Instead, I went into the bedroom, laid down, and said, “Ian, come here. Let’s play Humpty Dumpty.”

He climbed up on my knees and I said, “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.” And he fell. Ian laughed and said, “Let’s do it again.” Well, after the third “fall,” I said, “Okay, but first go pick up those toys.”
Without thinking, he ran into the living room and in ninety seconds he finished a job that could have taken half an hour.

Then he jumped back on my knees and repeated, “Daddy, let’s do it again.”
“Ian, I thought you were too tired to pick up those toys.” He answered, “I was, daddy, but I just wanted to do this!”
We can finish any job when we have the “Want to!”

Have you created the “Want to” in your life? If you haven’t what are you waiting for? There’s a thin line between “Phenomenal Success” & “Just Made It”.

That line is your “Want to”.

(1) Fine:   This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 

(2) Five Minutes:    If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:    This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:   This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!

 (5) Loud Sigh:   This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 (6) That’s Okay:   This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 (7) Thanks:   A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8)Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying Scr#w YOU!

 (9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:  Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick…

Put about 100 bricks in some
particular order in a closed
room with an
open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back
after 6 hours and then analyze
the  situation.

If they are counting the
bricks.
Put them in the accounts
department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the
whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the
bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the
bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks
into pieces.
Put them in information
technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried
different combinations, yet
not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for
the day.
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the
window.
Put them on strategic
planning.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
other and not a single brick
has been
moved.

Congratulate them and put them
in top management.
 

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

Women:

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t
Believe you… :-]]

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.

3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.

4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.

5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside.

6. Passing your final exams with good grades.

7. Being a part of an interesting conversation.

8. Finding some money in some old pants.

9. Laughing at yourself.

10. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.

11. Laughing without a reason.

12. “Accidentally” hearing someone say somthing good about you.

13. Watching the sunset.

14. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important

person in your life.

15. Feeling this buzz in your body when seeing this”special”

someone.

16. Having a great time with your friends.

17. Seeing the one you love happy.

18. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling

his/her perfume.

19. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great

memories.

20. Hearing someone telling you “I LOVE YOU”

Marriage!

Do not marry person that u know u can live with;

Only marry someone that u cannot live without.

Live Today!

There are two eternities in life that can really break u down.

Yesterday and Tommorow

One is gone and other that doesn’t exists, so live today.

Where is the salary?

Show me ur pockets!

I ll not give the money…… She spends all of my salary…..Booohoooo!!!  

Give me way….. I am going for shopping.  

Thanks Sweetheart………..bye   

It’s really not difficult…

To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :

1. a friend

27. attentive

43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly

49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little
yourself

52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where
she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:

* arrangements she makes
———————————————

To be Continued in the next post……