5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

Today’s Jokes:

Q: A Man asked Santa, “Akal badhi ya bhains? “
A: Santa bola, “Pehle date of birth to batao.”

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Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

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Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out.

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Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first
- the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

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Santa (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I
breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?

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Now Imp Health Related Questions answer
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Ques1: What are the reasons for Alzheimer’s disease?

Ans: The cause of Alzheimer’s disease is not clear, and it is likely there are several causes of this condition.Alzheimer’s disease causes changes or deterioration in certain areas of the brain that control thinking, communication, and behavior.Some of the deterioration may be related to a loss of chemical messengers in the brain (neurotransmitters)—acetylchol… in particular— that allow nerve cells in the brain to work properly.

Ques2: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?

Ans: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

Ques3: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?

Ans : No.

Ques4: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?

Ans : Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkup s if you are past the age of 30 ( once in six months recommended)…

Today’s Jokes:

Teacher to Santa ” Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

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Santa : People consider me as a “GOD”
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came
again..

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Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my
house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na….

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Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?

Answer : Bcos SALU is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!

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Do you know the similarity between “Dinasaurs” & “Decent Girls”

Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!

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Now Imp Health Related Questions answer
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Ques1: Can yoga prevent heart ailments?

Ans: Yoga helps.

Ques2: Which is the best and worst food for the heart?

Ans: Fruits and vegetables are the best and the worst is oil.

Ques3: What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks
and serious heart problems.

Ans: Sedentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise.

Ques4: What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there any specific test?

Ans: Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

Ques5: What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?

Ans: Help the person into a sleeping position , place an aspirin tablet under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available,
and rush him to a coronary care unit since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

To be continued in the next post…………

Today’s Joke:

Men and Women

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.

4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one
around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck
with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off
if the women leaves them.

7. Although the women leaves them they still don’t learn from their
mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
clothes.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something
to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just
“an old rag”.

6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still
expect You to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t
Believe you… :-]]

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Now Imp Health Related Questions answer
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Ques1: Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?

Ans: Walking is better than jogging since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints .

Ques2: Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?

Ans: Extremely rare

Ques3: Does cholesterol accumulates right from an early age
(If I’m currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of age?

Ans: Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.

Ques4: How do irregular eating habits affect the heart ?

Ans: You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body’s enzyme release for digestion gets confused.

Ques5: How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?

Ans: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

To be continued in the next post…………

Todays’s Joke
Never marry a software engineer. Just have a look at this conversation and then decide Yourself.

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where’s your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad?s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

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Now Imp Health Related Questions
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Ques1: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart ?

Ans:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2. Exercise - Half an hour’s walk, at least five days a week; avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control blood pressure and sugar

Ques2: Is eating non-veg food (fish) good for the heart?

Ans: No

Ques3: It’s still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person
gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?

Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Ques4: Are heart diseases hereditary?

Ans: Yes

Ques5: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?

Ans: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

To be continued in next post…..

Today’s Jokes

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The best relation ever is between two eyes, “they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together”. STILL they never see each other directly. But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.

Moral of the story: Girl can break any kind of relationship…

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How to stay young……

1) Laugh & fun, don’t be gloomy

2) Let bygones be bygones. Dwelling on the past inflicts unnecessary stress.

3) Early to bed, early to rise, is healthy & wise

4) Stay lean, being just 30% overweight is bad.

5) Keep learning, reading & socializing – an alert & active mind keeps brain cells healthy.

6) Keep working, doing something you like. Don’t retire, it slows down your body.

7) Be the boss of your own life. Letting others push you around produces stress.

Too many pills ruin your body, take just what you need.

9) Constantly alternating between weight gain & loss is bad

10) Exercise, quit smoking and eat less fatty foods

Today’s Joke:
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Apple : An apple a day keeps the doctor away?
Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attach & stroke.

Strawberry : Protective Fruit
Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals.

Orange : Sweetest medicine
Taking 2 –4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.

Watermelon : Coolest Thirst Quencher
Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene – the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium.

Guava & Papaya : Top awards for Vitamin C
They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fibre which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes.

To be continued in the next post …..