5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at
the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit
the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as
the shopper ascends the flights. There is however, a catch…. you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord,love kids, and are
extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still,
she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord,love kids, are
drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong
romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and
the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as
you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Newton ’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !

Manirathnam Method :

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar Method :

Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

Yash Chopra method :

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Menaka method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

The best relation ever is between two eyes, “they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together”. STILL they never see each other directly. But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.

Moral of the story: Girl can break any kind of relationship…

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = ‘Millionaire’ AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus =’ThreeStoreyed’
AND BrideEduStatus IN ( B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalanceFROM FatherInLaw
UPDATEMyBankAccout SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATEMyLockerSET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTOMyCarShed VALUES(’BMW’)
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Joe the Software Engineer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.” “What do you mean?” he replied. “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?” “45? You’re not 45, you’re 82,” replied the angel. “Wait a minute. If you think I’m 82, then you have the wrong guy. I’m only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.” “Hold on. Let me go check,” said the angel, and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. “Sorry, but our records say you are 82. Looking at the number of hours you billed to your client, you should be 82….

1. Dhoom 17 ready for release.

2. I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar

3. Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya’s 3rd marriage .

4. Abhi toh Mein jawan hoon - Dev Anand.

5. Petrol Rs.999 / litre (Bata price).

6. Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs.

7. Coach Ganguly resigns, as India is knocked out of World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea

8. Siddhu launches his own TV channal where he can speak and laugh for the whole day.

9. After giving 49 flop movie in a row himesh reshamiya is coming in hollywood romantic movie sequel titanic 3.

Zindagi hai to Khwaab Hai
__Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_____________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
___________________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
_____________________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
_______________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
_____________________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
_________________________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
______________________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
________________________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
______________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
_________________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
__Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye