Jul 07
Jul 03
Vidhya: hey! what is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?
Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a
suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come..
in that 4-5 seems to match.. I don’t know which one to select, I am
confused because of it.
Vidhya: what is the confusion about?
Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a
days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field.
That’s I why I don’t know whom I must select among this. You are a
software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .
vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.
nithya: first is a manager.
vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But
he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to
prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask
you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can’t make it,
he’ll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare
it. He will also tell he’ll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask
how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not
accept.
Nithya: ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test
engineer.
vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will
correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with
10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it.
If you ask him “will you not at least tell that it is good”, he will reply
back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is
sooo good.
Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.
vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask
why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he
will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can
be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant
coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same
will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if
you want to do make up in your life !!!
Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are
called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.
Nithya: then tell about them.
Vidhya: you don’t have to do anything. They will do everything themselves.
If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them
is- they will say “I know it” whatever you ask them.
Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the
condition is you must keep saying “you are too good” after hitting them
every time.
Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom….
hahaha….
Jun 16
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don’t enjoy = Donkey that work
===================================================
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don’t earn money = Donkeys
====================================================
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don’t spend = Donkeys
=====================================================
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don’t earn money = Women that don’t spend.
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!(Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!(Postulate 2)
So, we have.
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore.from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
May 23
Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.
4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one
around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck
with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off
if the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don’t learn from their
mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something
to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just
“an old rag”.
6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still
expect You to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t
Believe you… :-]]
Apr 10
1. Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
fogot laughter were called
“Saints”
But now they are called..
“IT professionals”
2 .An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt:
” If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has fallen off”
3. Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..
Its just that,
One loves too much,
and
The other loves too many,
4.
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the company..!
5.
Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
6. What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new
and
Just few hours left for your exams..!
7. Jus4Fun
Someone has rightly said, “A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer”
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
8.Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says “To the only boy I ever loved.!”
Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!
9 .
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: ” WE do have an opening for you..!
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the “door..!”
10 .A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee…
….. Leave them to us
Dec 04
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man….if only I knew A B C….)
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)
4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)
5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)
6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)
7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
(uh…huh!)
8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)
9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work!)
Nov 15
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at
the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit
the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as
the shopper ascends the flights. There is however, a catch…. you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord,love kids, and are
extremely good looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still,
she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord,love kids, are
drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong
romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and
the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as
you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Nov 14
Newton ’s Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !
Manirathnam Method :
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method :
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method :
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
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