5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

I remember the night in Miami when our son, Ian, was just five years old. We were staying with relatives and it was his bedtime. When I looked at the living room floor, I knew we had a problem. Toys were all over the place. “Ian,” I said, “you need to pick up all those toys before you go to bed.”

“Daddy,” he said, “I’m too tired to pick up my toys.”

My immediate inclination was to force him to clean up the room. Instead, I went into the bedroom, laid down, and said, “Ian, come here. Let’s play Humpty Dumpty.”

He climbed up on my knees and I said, “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.” And he fell. Ian laughed and said, “Let’s do it again.” Well, after the third “fall,” I said, “Okay, but first go pick up those toys.”
Without thinking, he ran into the living room and in ninety seconds he finished a job that could have taken half an hour.

Then he jumped back on my knees and repeated, “Daddy, let’s do it again.”
“Ian, I thought you were too tired to pick up those toys.” He answered, “I was, daddy, but I just wanted to do this!”
We can finish any job when we have the “Want to!”

Have you created the “Want to” in your life? If you haven’t what are you waiting for? There’s a thin line between “Phenomenal Success” & “Just Made It”.

That line is your “Want to”.

(1) Fine:   This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 

(2) Five Minutes:    If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:    This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:   This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!

 (5) Loud Sigh:   This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 (6) That’s Okay:   This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 (7) Thanks:   A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8)Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying Scr#w YOU!

 (9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:  Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3

1)Sleep your computer when you’re not using it.
2)Wash laundry in cold water instead of hot or warm while using Washing Machine.
3)Be sure to turn off lights when you leave a room.
4)Turn off machines when you leave a room (examples include TV’s,TV computers, radios, stereos, video games, VCR’s, and DVD players).
5)Keep doors and windows closed when heat or air conditioning is on.
6)Replace regular light bulbs with compact fluorescents bulbs.
7)Make sure Fridge is out of direct sunlight and not close to the oven. It is best to keep it against an outside wall so that the heat it generates can escape easily, and always make sure that there is a few inches space all around the fridge so that air can circulate.Never put warm or hot food into the fridge.
8)Try and prepare several food dishes in the oven together.
9)Always wash full loads of clothing rather than smaller ones. Try and use cold water for washing and rinsing the clothes.
10)Use laptop instead of a desktop, if practical. It consumes five times less electricity.

Happy Saving!!

A Pathan furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine.

As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned towards the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Urdu & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. Would you believe…

Till this day, the Pathan has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!!

Some Windows Vista errors are caused by corrupt system files causing instabilities, but troubleshooting these problems manually can be almost impossible. Thankfully, Vista includes a “System File Checker” application that will verify the integrity of core system files.

There are 2 types of scan, a verification and a scan/repair mode. The former will only check the files without repairing them automatically, the latter will fix any errors it finds.

To begin, load the command prompt by starting “cmd” from the run box (Press WINDOWS KEY + R to access this):

Then, type in one of the following commands (followed by the enter key) depending on the type of scan you wish to perform:

• sfc /verifyonly - To verify any corrupt files only.
• sfc /scannow - To verify and fix any corrupt files.

This will then start the scan and inform you of any files that require fixing

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Doctor: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai ?

Patient: Doctor saheb.. Pahle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor: dawai khali thi kya ?

Patient : Nahi doctor saheb. Dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor: Arey… mere kahne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Patient: Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur Maine le li thi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya ?

Patient: Oho, nahi doctor saheb dawai to laal thi.

Doctor: Abe GADHE, Dawai KO piliya tha kya ?

Patient : Nahi. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor: Abe Teri to, Dawai KO muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nahi ?

Patient: Nahi doctor saheb.

Doctor: Kyon ?

Patient: Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor: Teri to sale, to Khola kyon nahi.

Patient: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor: Tera ilaaz main nahi kar sakta !

Patient: Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Doctor : Abe teri …….
———————————————————————————————-
Naukarani Ne Sushila Se Kaha, Memsahab Gajab Ho Gaya.
Pados Ki Teen Auraten Aap Ki Saas Ko Peet Rahi Hain.

Sushila Naukarani Ke Sath Balakani Se Aayi Aur Chupchap
Tamasha Dekhane Lagi.Naukarani Ne Pucha, Aap Madad
Karane Nahi Jayengi ?

Sushila - Nahi Teen Hi Kaafi Hain.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
once there was an accident where the car driver hit the parrot.
The parrot faints, so the driver takes the parrot to his home ,
gives first aid to it and then puts it in a cage with some food .
When the parrot wakes up . in a shock it tells
“aila!! jail!!!!!! gadi wala mar gaya kya????”

——————————————————————————–
Jinn: Hukam aaka ?
Man: Ghar se dubai tak road banani hai
Jinn: Mushkil hai aur koi kaam bataiye
Man: Meri biwi ko aagyakari aur samajhdar bana do.
Jinn: Road single banani hai ya dabule…..

********************************************************************
Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai meri samajhdari ya meri beauty..

Husband: Mujhe to ye tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achchhi lagti hai..

__________________________________________________________________
Police ne raat ke 1 baje sharab ke nashe mein

tunn ek aadmi ko pakad kar puchha..

Raat ke ek baje tum Kahan ja rahe ho..?

Aadmi - Main sharab peene ke dush parinaam

per lecture sunne ja raha hun…

Police - Itni raat mein tumhe kaun lecture dega..?

Aadmi - Mere biwi…..

The best way to change or enlighten your mood to visit some new place , what could be better than visiting GOA.It becomes more interesting if place is visited with 100% utilization of time.This can happen only if everything about GOA is known in advance. So below are the required details:

Goa
Famous Beaches : Calangute, Colva, Dona Paula, Vagator
Famous Churches : Se Cathedral, Basilica of Born Jesus
When To Go : September - March

Goa is located on the west coast of India,in the region known as the Konkan, near the state of Maharashtra, The Arabian Sea makes up the state’s west coast. Panaji is the state’s capital,
and Vasco its largest town.

Those who haven’t visited Goa tend to imagine it as some kind of Indian Costa Brava
However, Goa, like everywhere in India, is never quite what you expect.

The main draws of Goa are the beaches and churches, such as

Anjuna Beach:
Location : 8 km west of Mapusa, 18 km NW of Panaji
Main Attraction : Anjuna Flea Market, Baga Hill
What To Do : Shopping, Photography, Snorkelling, Bungee Jumping

Colva Beach:
Location : 6 km east of Margao in South Goa
Main Attractions : Church of Our Lady of Merces and Shack Cafés
What To Do : Beach combing, Colva Walk

Vagator Beach:
Location : 10 km from Mapusa
Famous As : Holiday Beach Destination
What To See : Chapora Fort, Ozrant Beach, Chapora Village

DONA PAULA BEACH
Location : 7 km from Panjim, Goa
Famous As : Holiday Beach Destination
What To See : Zuari Bridge, National Oceanography Institute, Cabo Raj Bhawan
What To Do : Water-skiing, Parasailing, Snorkelling and Harpoon fishing!

SE CATHEDRAL
Location : Old Goa
Built In : 1562 AD
Style of Architecture : Manueline with Corinthian
Nearby Attractions : Chapel of the Blessed Sacrament, The Cross of Miracles

HOUSE AND BASILICA OF BOM JESUS
Location : Old Goa
Architectural Style : Renaissance & Baroque Style
Originally Built In : 1585
What To See : Intricate Craftsmenship, Statue of St. Francis Xavier, Professed House

CASINOS IN GOA
Famous Casinos : Chances Casino, Treasures Casino, Winners Casino,Caravela
Games To Play : Black Jack, Rummy, Stud Poker, Baccarat and Flash among others

GOA NIGHTLIFE
Hot Night Beach Shacks : Calangute, Candolim, Anjuna
Famous Night Hubs : Bob’s Inn, Cavala, Cabana
Timeline : 11 pm to 6 am

CRUISING THE ARABIAN SEA
Location : Ballard Pier, Mumbai
Cruise Itinerary : Mumbai-Lakshadweep-Goa-Mumbai
Timeline : Depending on the cruise you pick, could be anywhere between 1-4 nights

The strategic itinerary of the sea cruise is planned to suit every tourist.
Depending on your interests and budget, this could be anywhere between one to four nights.
A few of the most popular cruise itineraries are:

· Mumbai-Goa-High Seas-Goa-Mumbai (3 nights)
· Mumbai-Goa-Mumbai (2 nights)
· Mumbai-High Sea-Mumbai (1 night)
· Mumbai-Lakshadweep-Goa-Mumbai (4 nights)
· Mumbai-Lakshadweep-Mumbai (3 nights)

The most popular celebrations in Goa are Ganesh Chaturthi (Chavoth-Konkani), Diwali,
Christmas, Easter, Samsar Padvo, Shigmo and the Carnival.

Transport in Goa:
Goa’s public transport largely consists of privately operated buses linking the major towns to rural areas. Government-run buses, maintained the Kadamba Transport Corporation, links both major routes (like the Panjim–Margao route) and some remote parts of the state. In large towns such as Panjim and Margao, intra-city buses ply.

Languages:Konkani is the primary spoken language; Marathi and English are used for official,
literary, or educational purposes. Other languages include Hindi, Kannada and Portuguese.

Food:Rice with fish curry (Xit kodi in Konkani) is the staple diet in Goa.Coconut and coconut oil is widely used in Goan cooking along with chili peppers, spices and vinegar giving the food a unique flavour.Sannas a variant of idli and Koilori a variant of dosa are native to Goa.
A rich egg-based multi-layered sweet dish known as bebinca is a favourite at Christmas.
The most popular alcoholic beverage in Goa is feni; Cashew feni is made from the fermentation of the fruit of the cashew tree, while coconut feni is made from the sap of toddy palms.

Have a wonderful journey to GOA !

Would appreciate if you share your experience about your visit to GOA or any other wonderful place!!!