5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!

Ek samay ki bat hai, Mata Lakshmi ji ka ULLU unse rooth gaya aur bola, ‘Apki sab puja karte hain, mujhe koi nahin puchhta’
Lakshmi ji boli: Ab se har sal meri puja se 8-10 din pehle tumhari puja hogi. Us din Ullu puje jayenge.
Tabhi se Diwali k pehle us din ko KARWA CHAUTH keh kar manaya jata hai!

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of
accidentsarer due to driving without drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke!
A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The  waitress asks him for his order.
The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’ ‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.

 A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That’ll be $9.40 please,’ and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

 The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke.’The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same.’
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

 This becomes routine until the two enter again.
‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.
‘No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man. ‘Same,’ says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on  the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket  every time?’
‘Well,’ says the man, ’several years ago I was cleaning the attic and  found an old lamp. When I rubbed it,a Genie appeared and offered me two  wishes.

 My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just  put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be  there.’

 ‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a  million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as  long as you live!’

 ‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,’ says the man.
The waitress asks, ‘What’s with the ostrich?’  

 The man sighs, pauses and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall chick with a long legs who agrees with everything I say.’

3 Parrots

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.

The next day he went to the pet shop and saw

three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, “how much for the parrot on the right?

 The owner said it was Rs. 2500.

“Rs. 2500.”, the man said. “Well what does he do?

“He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.

“He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters.”

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,

but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.

The clerk replied, “Rs. 10,000.”

Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this

bird’s specialty was.

The clerk replies, “Well to be honest I haven’t seen him do anything.

But the other two call him “BOSS”!!

A man called home to his wife and said, ‘Darling ,

I have been asked to

go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.

We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that

promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for

a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we’re leaving from the

office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up’ ‘Oh! Please pack

my new blue silk pyjamas. ‘

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is,

did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking

good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, ‘Yes! Lots of salmons, some bluegills, and a few swordfishes.

But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to

Do?’

You’ll love the answer,folks……

The wife replied, ‘I did, dear. They’re in your fishing box! …’

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called ALL for a meeting…

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So, what is the problem? We ALL use our work telephones!!!!!

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.
Oh, did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened, Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!,”
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, “And why not?!?”
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus pass.”