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Ideal Wife!!

Mast Joke No Comments »

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘ I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’

The driver says, ‘Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60,
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. ‘

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’

As the o fficer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his
wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?’

The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your
radar detector went off when it did.’

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through
clenched teeth, ‘Damit, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’

The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing
your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’

The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took
it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of
&n bsp; my back pocket.’

The wife says, ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have
your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re
driving.’

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, ‘WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband
always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’

I love this part….

‘Only when he’s been drinking.’

Santa is Back with Bang!

Fun No Comments »

Prince Charles & Santaji were having dinner.
Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.
Santa thinks “how poetic”
Santa says, “pass the custard you bastard”.
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Santa at bar in New York .
Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”
Santa says - “Baljith Singh Married”
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Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Santa : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary…?
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Santa’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during  the day when light
is not needed!!!
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2 Santas are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES…NO…YES. ..NO…YES. ..NO…
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Santa shouting 2 his girl friend ” u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office….
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Santa is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, “chal”, it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, “chal” , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, “chal….” Finally he wrote the conclusion.. ….
……. “after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it be comes deaf……”
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A Tamilian call up Santa and asks  ” tamil therima??”
Santa got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”
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2 Santajis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry num be r is also written…BC 1760!!!….
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A Santa on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Santa : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ……
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A Santa for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’, but in the
exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read:  AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
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Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Santaji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Santaji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
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Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Santa : liquid state…..
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind,  ALL WERE SantaS….. ..


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