Jul 28
Jul 23
1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
3).Customer: : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support:: “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP’.”
Tech Support:: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer:: “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
4).Customer: : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
5).Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
6) Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer:: “A white one.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
7). Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.”
Customer:: “How do you spell that?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
8). Tech Support: “What’s on your screen right now?”
Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
9). Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Pentium.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
10). Customer: “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –11). Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
12). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
13). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support:: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
14). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
Jul 21
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups
And set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of little boy
‘Mister,’ he said, ‘I want to buy one of your puppies.’
‘Well,’ said the farmer,
as h e rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, ‘These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.’
The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket,
he pulled out a handful of change
and held it up to the farmer.
‘I’ve got thirty-nine cents.
Is that enough to take a look?’
‘Sure,’ said the farmer.
And with that he let out a whistle.
‘Here, Dolly!’ he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran
Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence,
the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up….
‘I want that one,’ the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, ‘Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.’
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said,
‘You see sir, I don’t run too well myself,
and he will need someone who understands.’
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.
Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
‘How much?’ asked the little boy. ‘No charge,’ answered the farmer, ‘There’s no charge for love.’
The world is full of people who need someone who understands .
Jul 10
Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.
Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC’s
Male : Hey…GM (Good Morning)… How’s u doing today?
Female : VGM…Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Male : wow…am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female : Yep…me too feel the same…Brb (be right back)’ll get some Coffee.
Male : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager : Hey, I need some help from you
Male : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n.
Would you give this by today evening?
Male : I would do that, but I think it’s quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All
of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window…)
Female : Hey, am back
Male : cool, you know what my manager does, She’s kinda….. keeps asking stupid Things,
tries to give me stupid work
Female : Yeah, it’s the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Male : Yep, u rite!!
Female : Hey, can u do me a favor
Male : *smiles* sure, why not.
Female : Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would
you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it’s real Urgent for me to work this out
Male : hey, that’s a one-hour’s work. Sure check
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!
AND ONE MORE POINT…. YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
Jul 03
Vidhya: hey! what is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?
Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a
suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come..
in that 4-5 seems to match.. I don’t know which one to select, I am
confused because of it.
Vidhya: what is the confusion about?
Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a
days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field.
That’s I why I don’t know whom I must select among this. You are a
software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .
vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.
nithya: first is a manager.
vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But
he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to
prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask
you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can’t make it,
he’ll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare
it. He will also tell he’ll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask
how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not
accept.
Nithya: ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test
engineer.
vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will
correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with
10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it.
If you ask him “will you not at least tell that it is good”, he will reply
back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is
sooo good.
Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.
vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask
why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he
will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can
be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant
coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same
will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if
you want to do make up in your life !!!
Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are
called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.
Nithya: then tell about them.
Vidhya: you don’t have to do anything. They will do everything themselves.
If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them
is- they will say “I know it” whatever you ask them.
Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the
condition is you must keep saying “you are too good” after hitting them
every time.
Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom….
hahaha….
Jul 02
1. What is height of Fashion?
Ans : Dhoti with a zip .
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Ans : Offering blank visiting cards.
3. What is height of Active laziness?
Ans : Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Craziness?
Ans : Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Ans : Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her
last.
6. What is height of Stupidity?
Ans : A person looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
7. What is height of Honesty?
Ans : A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
8. What is height of Suicide?
Ans : A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
9. What is height of De-hydration?
Ans : A cow giving milk powder.
10. What is Height of Kanjoosi ?
Ans : Banta’s house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the
Fire brigade!!! The 21st Century Defined…
Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feeling - Heartless
Our politics - Clueless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Much less
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