5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

Marriage!

Do not marry person that u know u can live with;

Only marry someone that u cannot live without.

Live Today!

There are two eternities in life that can really break u down.

Yesterday and Tommorow

One is gone and other that doesn’t exists, so live today.

TWO IT GUYS WERE CHATTING IN A PUB AFTER WORK.  “GUESS WHAT, MATE,” SAYS

THE FIRST IT GUY, “YESTERDAY, I MET THIS GORGEOUS BLONDE GIRL IN A BAR.”

“WHAT DID YOU DO?” SAYS THE OTHER IT GUY.

 “WELL, I INVITED HER OVER TO MY PLACE, WE HAD A COUPLE OF DRINKS, WE GOT INTO THE MOOD AND THEN SHE SUDDENLY ASKED ME TO MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL”

 “YOU’RE KIDDING ME!” SAYS THE SECOND IT GUY.

 “I THEN I LIFTED HER AND PUT HER ON MY DESK NEXT TO MY NEW LAPTOP.”

 “REALLY?  YOU GOT A NEW LAPTOP? WHAT CONFIGURATION?”

 “IT’S A 1 GB RAM AND MOBILE INTERNET CONNECTIVITY CARD AND 180 GB HARDDISK…………”

Ram, a middle aged Indian immigrant in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.

“This is great,” he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.

“I can get away from him with no problem” thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 km/ hr to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? “I’m too old for this kind of thing” and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.

The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver’s side.

“Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving ” If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before as to why you were speeding, I’ll let you go.”

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

–

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, “Last week my wife ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”.

The Policeman said, “Have a nice day, sir”

Where is the salary?

Show me ur pockets!

I ll not give the money…… She spends all of my salary…..Booohoooo!!!  

Give me way….. I am going for shopping.  

Thanks Sweetheart………..bye   

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.

Thought 2

The average man’s life consists of:

Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;

and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, ‘If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.’ The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

This is the best!!!

Thought 4

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced ‘Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life..’ Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, ‘My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.’

The whole audience including priest started laughing….

…… But not the poor groom!!!!

It’s really not difficult…

To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :

1. a friend

27. attentive

43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly

49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little
yourself

52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where
she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:

* arrangements she makes
———————————————

To be Continued in the next post……