5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

Zindagi ek Gift hai, (Qabool kijye)
Zindadi ek Ehsaas hai, (Mehsoos kijye)
Zindagi ek Dard hai, (Bant lijye)
Zindagi ek Aansu hai, (Pee lijye)
Zindagi ek Pyaas hai, (Pyaar dijye)
Zindagi ek Judai hai, (Sabar kijye)
Zindagi ek Milan hai, (Muskura lijye)
Zindagi aakhir Zindagi hai, (Jee lijye)

Enthusiastic Salesman

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

” Madam , if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this S…!” exclaimed the eager salesman.

“Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?” asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, ” Why, madam? ”

“There’s no electricity in the house…” said the lady
**********

MORAL: Gather All resources be4 working on any project…!! !

Scorpio-The Addict

Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist predictions. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line.

GEMINI - Irresistible

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where… Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward

VIRGO - The One that Waits

Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted.. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Addict

EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Lame One

Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with … u might end up crying… 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

ARIES - The Liar

Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water

Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward

LEO - The Lion

Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Cutie

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

PISCES - The Partner for Life

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around.Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini’s in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Tramp

Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

A father put his three year old daughter to bed,
told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying
“God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa.”

The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?”
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to
do.”

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers, which went like this:
“God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma.”

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,
“God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy.”

He practically went into shock.
He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his
office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day
he stayed there,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said
“I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?”
He said “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my
life.”

She said “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened
HERE.

He asked “What”??????

She said “This morning our neighbor James suddenly died.”

    Boss: Where were you born?

    Santa : Punjab ..

    Boss : which part ?

    Santa : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab.

  ************************************************************************************

    Santa and Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.

    Santa  : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

    Banta : Dont worry, I have one more.

  ************************************************************************************

    Santa : What is the name of your car ?

    Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.

    Santa : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi

    petrol se start hoti hai.

   ************************************************************************************

     Santa was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks Santa why

    are you removing a wheel from your auto.

    Santa : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

   ************************************************************************************

     Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He

    gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

   ************************************************************************************

     Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the

    computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

    Santa : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

   ************************************************************************************ 

    On a romantic day Santa’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our

    engagement day will you give me a ring.

    Santa : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

   ************************************************************************************

    How will you destroy a submarine full of Santas ?

    Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

   ************************************************************************************

    Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

    Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

    Santa: I’m falling in love.

   ************************************************************************************ 

    A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

    Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

   ************************************************************************************ 

    At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my

    hand, oh!

    Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his

    head.

    Is he crying?

  ************************************************************************************

 Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got

    irritated… drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

   ************************************************************************************

    Banta: U cheated me.

    Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

    Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India

    Radio!

   ************************************************************************************ 

    NOW THE LAST Two ULTIMATE one :

    In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

    Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..

    Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

    Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

   ************************************************************************************ 

    Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

    Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

    Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

    Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man….if only I knew A B C….)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
(uh…huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work!)