A wife mentioned to her husband that for her birthday,
she would like something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in four seconds.
She was expecting something like this……..
But her husband presented her with something very different…
Actual telephone conversations with your friendly neighborhood tech support.
Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support : OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah….
Tech support : And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support : Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
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Tech support : What kind of computer do you have?
Customer : A white one…
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Tech support : Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support : Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer : Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support : Would you click on “start” and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates, damn it!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’.
I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
But the computer still says he can’t find it…
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Customer : I have problems printing in red…
Tech support : Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you I forgot about that.
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Tech support : What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Customer : My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support : Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support : Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support : That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work!
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Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support : Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support : Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support : How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support : OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer : ! Well, I have the letter ‘a‘ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support : Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at
the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit
the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as
the shopper ascends the flights. There is however, a catch…. you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord,love kids, and are
extremely good looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still,
she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord,love kids, are
drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong
romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and
the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as
you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Newton ’s Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !
Manirathnam Method :
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method :
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method :
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
The best relation ever is between two eyes, “they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together”. STILL they never see each other directly. But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.
Moral of the story: Girl can break any kind of relationship… 
If the Titanic was made in India
1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship
2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course
Singing in the rain
3) The movie would be called “Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya”
4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive,
But the villian would die in the first dip
5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine’s father to teach the hero a
Lesson
6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.
And last but not least
7) Half of the rescue boats would be reserve for SC/ST/OBC
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Ever Wondered..How wud sum common english sayings translate in hindi???
Have a nice day! —– * Achcha din lo!
What’s up? —– *Uppar kya hai?
You’re kidding! —– *Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!
Don’t kid me! —– * Mera bachcha mat banaao!
Cool man! —–* Thandaa aadmi!
Check this out, man! —-* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
Don’t mess with me, dude.—– * Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.
She’s so fine! —– * Woh itnee baareek hai!
Listen buddy, that chick’s mine, okay!?—– * Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?
Hey good looking; what’s cooking? —-* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?
Are you nuts? —– * Kya aap akhrot hain?
Son of a gun.—– * Bachcha bandook ka.
Rock the party. —- * Party mein patthar feko.
And the best ones are…..
How do you do? —– * Kaise karte ho?
Keep in touch…… * Chhoote Raho.
Lets hang out!….*Chalo bahar latakte hai
@ “”He worked by day And toiled by night. He gave up play And some delight.
Dry books he read, New things to learn. And forged ahead, Success to earn.
He plodded on with Faith and pluck; And when he won,Men called it luck …” -Anonymus
1 Egg
2 Mobiles
65 minutes of connection between mobiles.
We assembled something as per image:
Initiated the call between the two mobiles and allowed 65 minutes approximately…
During the first 15 minutes nothing happened;
25 minutes later the egg started getting hot;
45 minutes later the egg is hot;
65 minutes later the egg is cooked.
Conclusion: The immediate radiation of the mobiles has the potential to modify the proteins of the egg. Imagine what it can do with the proteins of your brains when you do long calls.
Please try to reduce long time calls on mobile phones .
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