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Scheduled date: 22nd July ‘07
Reporting time: 9.30 am
Scheduled time: 10.30 am to 1.00 pm
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Today’s Jokes
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Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.
*****
Q: How do you recognize Santa’s son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
*****
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons.
1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message.
Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
*****
Manmohan Singh to Bush – We are sending Indians to the moon next year.
Bush – Wow! How Many?
Manmohan Singh - 100
25 - OBC
25 - SC
20 - ST
5 - Handicapped
5 - Sports Persons
5 - Terrorist Affected
5 - Kashmiri Migrants
9 - Politicians
and if possible
1 – Astronnaut
MS EXCEL Shortcuts
Note: A plus sign indicates that the keys need to be pressed at the same time.
Action : Keystroke
Document actions
Open a file : CTRL+O
New file : CTRL+N
Save As: F12
Save : CTRL+S
Print : CTRL+P
Find : CTRL+F
Replace : CTRL+H
Go to : F5
Cursor Movement
One cell up : up arrow
One cell down : down arrow
One cell right : Tab
One cell left : SHIFT+Tab
Top of worksheet (cell A1) : CTRL+Home
End of worksheet(last cell with data): CTRL+End
End of row : Home
End of column : CTRL+left arrow
Move to next worksheet : CTRL+PageDown
Formulas
Apply AutoSum : ALT+=
Current date : CTRL+;
Current time : CTRL+:
Spelling : F7
Help : F1
Macros: ALT+F8
Action : Keystroke
Selecting Cells
All cells left of current cell : SHIFT+left arrow
All cells right of current cell : SHIFT+right arrow
Entire column : CTRL+Spacebar
Entire row : SHIFT+Spacebar
Entire worksheet : CTRL+A
Text Style
Bold : CTRL+B
Italics : CTRL+I
Underline : CTRL+U
Strikethrough : CTRL+5
Formatting
Edit active cell : F2
Format as currency with 2 decimal places : SHIFT+CTRL+$
Format as percent with no decimal places : SHIFT+CTRL+%
Cut : CTRL+X
Copy: CTRL+C
Paste : CTRL+V
Undo: CTRL+Z
Redo : CTRL+Y
Format cells dialog box : CTRL+1
Interesting views about GIRLS:
If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her;
If u Don’t, she says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;
If u Don’t, she says u are from CHENNAI.(no offence to Chennai)
If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET!, she says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than her, she’ll lose FACE;
If she’s Smarter than u, she is GREAT.
If u don’t Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don’t, she says that u don’t TRUST her.
If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;
If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u.
If u BREAK! your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;
If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLE LADY.
If u do WELL in your exams, she says it’s LUCK;
If she does WELL, it’s BRAINS.
If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;
If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE
——————————————————————————
—————————————————————————-
Note: A plus sign indicates that the keys need to be pressed at the same time.
Action : Keystroke
Document actions
Open a file : CTRL+O
New file : CTRL+N
Close a file : CTRL+W
Save As : F12
Save : CTRL+S or SHIFT+F12
Print Preview : CTRL+F2
Print : CTRL+P
Show/Hide paragraph symbols : CTRL+*
Spelling and grammar : F7
Help : F1
Find : CTRL+F
Replace : CTRL+H
Go To : CTRL+G
Cursor movement
Select all - entire document : CTRL+A
Select from cursor to beginning of line : SHIFT+Home
Select from cursor to end of line : SHIFT+END
Go to beginning of line : HOME
Go to end of line : END
Go to beginning of document : CTRL+Home
Go to end of document : CTRL+End
Formatting
Cut : CTRL+X
Copy : CTRL+C
Paste : CTRL+V
Undo : CTRL+Z
Redo : CTRL+Y
Format painter : CTRL+SHIFT+C
Left alignment : CTRL+L
Center alignment : CTRL+E
Right alignment : CTRL+R
Justified : CTRL+J
Delete previous word : CTRL+Backspace
Apply bulleted list : CTRL+SHIFT+L
Indent : CTRL+M
Page break : CTRL+Enter
Action : Keystroke
Text Style
Font face : CTRL+SHIFT+F
Font size : CTRL+SHIFT+P
Bold : CTRL+B
Italics : CTRL+I
Underline : CTRL+U
Double underline : CTRL+SHIFT+D
Word underline : CTRL+SHIFT+W
All caps : CTRL+SHIFT+A
Change case : SHIFT+F3
Subscript : CTRL+=
Superscript : CTRL+SHIFT+=
Make web hyperlink : CTRL+K
Tables
Go to next cell : Tab
Go to previous cell : SHIFT+Tab
Go to beginning of column : ALT+PageUp
Highlight to beginning of column : ALT+SHIFT+PageUp
Go to end of column : ALT+PageDown
Highlight to end of column : ALT+SHIFT+PageDown
Go to beginning of row : ALT+Home
Highlight to beginning of row : ALT+SHIFT+Home
Go to end of row : ALT+End
Highlight to end of row : ALT+SHIFT+End
Column break : CTRL+SHIFT+Enter
Miscellaneous
Copyright symbol - © : ALT+CTRL+C
Date field : ALT+SHIFT+D
Go to footnotes : ALT+CTRL+F
Show/Hide ¶ : CTRL+SHIFT+8
Thesaurus : SHIFT+F7
———————————-
Today’s Jokes
—————————-
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
*****
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next… Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
*****
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
*****
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1
bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
*****
Banta ek sadhu se bola” Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
————————————————————————————–
Today’s joke–
What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Santa Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
*****
Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book &
said “My Mobile No. has changed .. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is
6610″
*****
Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College
Banta : Really, what is he studing
Santa : No is not studying, they are Studying him.
******
Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile, Police ko dene chale,
Santa : agar koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..? !
Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the…!!!
*******
Santa falls in luv with a nurse… After much thinking, he finally
writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”
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For Mobile Phone User - Tip
————————————-
When you try to call someone through mobile phone, don’t put your
mobile closer to your ears until the recipient answers
Because directly after dialing, the mobile phone would use it’s
maximum signaling power, which is:
2watts = 33dbi
Please Be Careful
Message as received ( Save your brain )
So use left ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use
the right one it will affect brain directly. This is a true fact from
Apollo medical team..
Seven 7s :
July - 7
Date 7 - 7
Hour, 7 PM - 7
Minutes, 7 - 7
Seconds, 7 - 7
Year, 2007 - 7
Saturday, the 7th day - 7
On July 7th, 2007,7 Minutes, 7 seconds
After 7 PM
The time and date will be
07:07:07, 07/07/07
Circuit: Bhai america mein address puchega tho kya bolne ka
Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat
Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka tho?
Munna: Washington
Circuit: Bhai idhar aane ko kya bolna
Munna: Come Here
Circuit: Bhai phir udhar jaaneko kya bolthe hai?
Munna: Pehle udhar jaaneka phir bolneka come here.
Circuit: Bhai yeh kaisa bolne ka - chale hat hawa aane de
Munna: simple hain yaar - Hey u move sideways let the air force come
in.
Circuit: Bhai tum tho pass ho gela bhai
Munna: Yes bro i have just passed away
Munna: Abhi tu bol eh mamu bheja mat phira
Circuit: Mother’s brother dont rotate my brain
Munna: Ab yeh bol apun ko bahut sardi ho gayi hai
Circuit: I got big winter in small nose.
Today’s Jokes:
Q: A Man asked Santa, “Akal badhi ya bhains? “
A: Santa bola, “Pehle date of birth to batao.”
*****
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
*****
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out.
*****
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first
- the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
*****
Santa (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I
breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?
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Now Imp Health Related Questions answer
——————————————————
Ques1: What are the reasons for Alzheimer’s disease?
Ans: The cause of Alzheimer’s disease is not clear, and it is likely there are several causes of this condition.Alzheimer’s disease causes changes or deterioration in certain areas of the brain that control thinking, communication, and behavior.Some of the deterioration may be related to a loss of chemical messengers in the brain (neurotransmitters)—acetylchol… in particular— that allow nerve cells in the brain to work properly.
Ques2: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?
Ans: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.
Ques3: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?
Ans : No.
Ques4: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?
Ans : Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkup s if you are past the age of 30 ( once in six months recommended)…
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