5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

H ow to get a nice wife!!! - Guide for all the bachelors and advice for all the married people

There are times in a person’s life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.
Some of the questions that crop up are -

I will try to address these & many more questions in the following sections.
The Nine Rules of Arranged Marriage

Rule 1 - Magic No. 26,27,28
In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl’s to get married by the time they become 24-25.
Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.
Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, “I will marry when I settle down”.

Rule 2 - Subset of Marriage-able Girls
At times you hear statements like, “I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then”. Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed. >From this subset, there would be girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety & numbers of marriage-able girls are fixed.

Rule 3 - Competition for Girls
Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good girls . So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, has done her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai. So, set your expectations accordingly.

Rule 4 - Understanding Girls
You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, it’s difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I know people who are still trying to understand their wife. ;-).. Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help of your parents/friends & latest technologies like email/chat to choose your girl.

Rule 5 - Society Expectation
The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can’t meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.

Rule 6 - Marriage Between Equals
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the girl’s family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/religion plays a major role. It’s important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

Rule 7 - Know Yourself
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it’s very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, “Opposite attract”, while they also say, “Bird of same feather flock together”. So, you take a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl , but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection . Don’t forget rule no.3 here.

Rule 8 - Girl’s Beauty
A girl’s looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb. It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl’s looks are important, but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on in life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage . I am sure your parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic .

Rule 9 - Taking Advice
As I have mentioned in the next rule, it’s very important that the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don’t do the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers . Secondly, in such important matters it’s necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that you follow others’ advice, but don’t forget to take their advice.

Rule 10 - Own Decision
All said & done, it’s your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don’t marry a girl just because your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don’t work out & you end up saying, “It’s because of my friends or my parents that I married you”, then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That’s when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marry the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?
>From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience & commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:
A. Definition Phase
Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3 here.

B. Lead Generation Phase
Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting bio-datas at one go. Remember the Rule 2 here.

C. Short Listing Phase
Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting bio-datas. The general process followed for correspondence is as follows:
1. The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/herself.
2. Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile along with request for detailed profile, photo, and horoscope.
3. The initiator then sends the requested information along with a request for similar information.
4. The receiver sends similar information.
5. If the bio-data is selected, it is passed over to the next phase.

D. Casual Interaction Phase
Based on short listing, about 7 to 10 bio-datas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10 - 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/chat.

E. Family Interaction Phase
Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.

F. Dating Phase
Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.

G. The D-day Phase
Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.
Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for both of you.
A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in the age-old virtue , “Never do anything to others that you don’t like for yourself

Shree Guru Charan Saroj Raj, Nij Man Mukar Sudhari,
Barnau Raghuvar Bimal Jasu, Jo dayaku Phal Chari

Meaning:With the dust of Guru’s Lotus feet, I clean the mirror of my mind and then narrate the sacred glory of Sri Ram Chandra, The Supereme among the Raghu dynasty. The giver of the four attainments of life.

Budhi heen Tanu Janike, Sumirow, Pavan Kumar,
Bal Buddhi Vidya Dehu Mohi, Harahu Kalesh Bikaar

Meaning:Knowing myself to be ignorent, I urge you, O Hanuman, The son of Pavan! O Lord! kindly Bestow on me strength, wisdom and knowledge, removing all my miseries and blemishes.

Jai Hanuman Gyan Guna Sagar
Jai Kipis Tihun Lok Ujgaar

Meaning:Victory of Thee, O Hanuman, Ocean of wisdom and virtue, victory to the Lord of monkeys who is well known in all the three worlds

Ramdoot Atulit Bal Dhamaa,
Anjani Putra Pavansut naamaa.

Meaning:You, the Divine messager of Ram and repository of immeasurable strength,are also known as Anjaniputra and known as the son of the wind - Pavanputra.

Mahebeer Bikram Bajrangi,
Kumati Nivaar Sumati Ke Sangi.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! You are valiant and brave, with a body like lightening.You are the dispeller of darkness of evil thoughts and companion of good sense and wisdom.

Kanchan Baran Biraaj Subesaa,
Kanan kundal kunchit kesa.

Meaning:Shri Hanumanji’s physique is golden coloured. His dress is pretty, wearing ‘Kundals’ ear-rings and his hairs are long and curly.

Hath Bajra Aur Dhvaja Birjai,
Kandhe Moonj Janeu saage.

Meaning:Shri Hanumanji is holding in one hand a lighting bolt and in the other a banner with sacred thread across his shoulder.

Shankar Suvna Kesari Nandan,
Tej Pratap Maha Jag Vandan.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! You are the emanation of ‘SHIVA’ and you delight Shri Keshri.Being ever effulgent, you and hold vast sway over the universe. The entire world proptiates. You are adorable of all.

Vidyavaan Guni Ati Chatur,
Ram Kaj Karibe Ko Atur

Meaning:Oh! Shri Hanumanji! You are the repository learning, virtuous, very wise and highly keen to do the work of Shri Ram, Prabhu Charittra Sunibe Ko Rasiya,Ram Lakhan Sita man basyia.

You are intensely greedy for listening to the naration of Lord Ram’s lifestory and revel on its enjoyment. You ever dwell in the hearts of Shri Ram-Sita and Shri Lakshman.

Sukshma roop Dhari Siyahi Dikhwana,
Bikat roop Dhari Lank Jarawa

Meaning:You appeared beofre Sita in a diminutive form and spoke to her, while you assumed an awesome form and struck terror by setting Lanka on fire.

Bhim roop Dhari Asur Sanhare,
Ramchandra Ke kaaj Savare.

Meaning:He, with his terrible form, killed demons in Lanka and performed all acts of Shri Ram. Laye Sajivan Lakhan Jiyaye,
Shri Raghubir harashi ur laye.

When Hanumanji made Lakshman alive after bringing ‘Sanjivni herb’ Shri Ram
took him in his deep embrace, his heart full of joy.

Raghupati Kinhi Bahut Badaai,
Tum Mama Priya Bharat Sam Bahi.

Meaning:Shri Ram lustily extolled Hanumanji’s excellence and remarked, “you are as dear to me as my own brother Bharat”

Sahastra Badan Tumharo Jas Gaave,
Asa kahi Shripati Kanth Laagave.

Meaning:Shri Ram embraced Hanumanji saying:
“Let the thousand - tongued sheshnaag sing your glories”

Sankadik Brahmadi Muneesa,
Narad Sarad Sahit Aheesa

Meaning:Sanak and the sages, saints. Lord Brahma, the great hermits Narad and Goddess Saraswati along with Sheshnag the cosmic serpent, fail to sing the glories of Hanumanji exactly

Jam Kuber Digpal Jahan Te,
Kabi Kabid Kahin Sake Kahan Te

Meaning:What to talk of denizens of the earth like poets and scholars ones etc even Gods like Yamraj, Kuber, and Digpal fail to narrate Hanman’s greatness in toto.

Tum Upkar Sugrivahi Keenha,
Ram Miali Rajpad Deenha

Meaning:Hanumanji! You rendered a great service for Sugriva, It were you who united him with SHRI RAM and installed him on the Royal Throne.

Tumharo Mantro Bibhishan Maana,
Lankeshwar Bhaye Sab Jag Jaana.

Meaning:By heeding your advice. Vibhushan became Lord of Lanka, which is known all over the universe.

Juug Sahastra Jojan Par Bhaanu,
Leelyo Taahi Madhur Phal Jaanu

Meaning:Hanumanji gulped, the SUN at distance of sixteen thousand miles considering
it to be a sweet fruit.

Prabhu Mudrika Meli Mukha Maaheen,
Jaladhi Langhi Gaye Acharaj Naheen.

Meaning:Carrying the Lord’s ring in his mouth, he went across the ocean. There is no wonder in that.

Durgam Kaaj Jagat Ke Jeete,
Sugam Anugrah Tumhre Te Te.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! all the difficult tasks in the world are rendered easiest by your grace.

Ram Duware Tum Rakhavare,
Hot Na Aagya Bin Paisare.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! You are the sentinel at the door of Ram’s mercy mansion or His divine abode. No one may enter without your permission.

Sab Sukh Lahen Tumhari Sarna,
Tum Rakshak Kaahu Ko Darnaa.

Meaning:By your grace one can enjoy all happiness and one need not have any fear under your protection.

Aapan Tej Samharo Aapei,
Tanau Lok Hank Te Kanpei

Meaning:When you roar all the three worlds tremble and only you can control your might.

Bhoot Pisaach Nikat Nahi Avei,
Mahabir Jab Naam Sunavei.

Meaning:Great Brave on. Hanumanji’s name keeps all the Ghosts, Demons & evils spirits away from his devotees.

Nasei Rog Hare Sab Peera,
Japat Niranter Hanumant Beera

Meaning:On reciting Hanumanji’s holy name regularly all the maladies perish the entire pain disappears.

Sankat Te Hanuman Chhudavei,
Man Kram Bachan Dhyan Jo Lavei.

Meaning:Those who rembember Hanumanji in thought, word and deed are well guarded against their odds in life.

Sub Par Ram Tapasvee Raaja,
Tinke Kaaj Sakal Tum Saaja

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! You are the caretaker of even Lord Rama, who has been hailed as the Supreme Lord and the Monarch of all those devoted in penances.

Aur Manorath Jo Koi Lave,
Soi Amit Jivan Phal Pave.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! You fulfill the desires of those who come to you and bestow the eternal nectar the highest fruit of life.

Charo Juung Partap Tumhara,
Hai Parsiddha Jagat Ujiyara.

Meaning: Oh Hanumanji! You magnificent glory is acclaimed far and wide all through the four ages and your fame is radianlty noted all over the cosmos.

Sadho Sant Ke Tum Rakhvare,
Asur Nikandan Ram Dulare.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! You are the saviour and the guardian angel of saints and
sages and destroy all the Demons, you are the seraphic darling of Shri Ram.

Ashta Siddhi Nau Nidhi Ke Data,
Asa Bar Din Janki Mata.

Meaning:Hanumanji has been blessed with mother Janki to grant to any one any YOGIC power of eight Sidhis and Nava Nidhis as per choice.

Ram Rasayan Tumhare Pasa,
Sadaa Raho Raghupati Ke Dasa.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! You hold the essence of devotion to RAM, always remaining His Servant.

Tumhare Bhajan Ramko Pavei.
Janam Janam Ke Dukh Bisravei.

Meaning:Oh Hanumanji! through devotion to you, one comes to RAM and becames free from suffering of several lives.

Anta Kaal Raghubar Pur Jai,
Jahan Janma Hari Bhakta Kahai.

Meaning:After death he enters the eternal abode of Sri Ram and remains a devotee of him, whenever, taking new birth on earth.

Aur Devata Chitt Na Dharai,
Hanumant Sei Sarva Sukh Karai

Meaning:You need not hold any other demigod in mind. Hanumanji alone will give all happiness.

Sankat Kate Mitey Sab Peera,
Jo Sumirei Hanumant Balbeera

Meaning:Oh Powerful Hanumanji! You end the sufferings and remove all the pain from those who remember you.

Jai Jai Jai Hanuman Gosai
Kripa Karahu Gurudev Ki Naiee

Meaning:Hail-Hail-Hail-Lord Hanumanji! I beseech you Honour to bless me in the capacity of my supreme ‘GURU’ (teacher).

Jo Sat Baar Paath Kar Koi,
Chhutahi Bandi Maha Sukh Hoi.

Meaning:One who recites this Hanuman Chalisa one hundred times daily for one hundred days becames free from the bondage of life and death and ejoys the highest bliss at last.

Jo Yah Padhe Hanuman Chalisa,
Hoy Siddhi Sakhi Gaurisa

Meaning:As Lord Shankar witnesses, all those who recite Hanuman Chalisa regularly are sure to be benedicted

Tulsidas Sada Hari Chera,
Keeje Nath Hriday Mah Dera.

Meaning:Tulsidas always the servant of Lord prays. “Oh my Lord! You enshrine within my heart.!

Chopai

Pavan Tanay Sankat Haran, Mangal Murti Roop.
Ram Lakhan Sita Sahit, Hriday Basahu Sur Bhoop.

Meaning:O Shri Hanuman, The Son of Pavan, Saviour The Embodiment of blessings, reside in my heart together with Shri Ram, Laxman and Sita

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Once ‘Constant’ and e^x ( e raised to x) were walking down the road.
Suddenly ‘Constant’ screamed and said:

“I m going bcoz ‘Differential’ is coming and if he sees me he will eliminate me.”

But e^x stands firm in front of ‘ Differential’ and says:

“U can’t do anything with me. I m e^x and will always be e^x.”

‘Differential starts laughing……..
…
…
…
…
Why……
… ..
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Differential says: ” I m not d/dx, I m d/dy.”

Do you know,

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’ & ‘d’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of
1 to 99
(Letter ‘d’ comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’ & ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to
999
(Letter ‘a’ comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters ‘b’ & ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to
999,999,999
(Letter ‘b’ comes for the first time in Billion)

And

Letter ‘c’ does not appear anywhere in in the spellings of entire
English Counting

1 cup Courtesy
1/2 cup Patience
1/4 cup Forgiveness
2 cups Understanding
1 cup Encouragement
2 tsp. Unselfishness

Stir in a pinch of Praise ..
Add a dash of Wit and Humor ..
Season with Faith and Confidence ,
Put it in a 16 x 9 pan, bake on 350° for a Lifetime
and serve with generous portions of Love and Smiles . .