5 Jokes a day Keeps Doctor Away!

by Jayesh - Gr8 cricket fan

Todays’s Joke
Never marry a software engineer. Just have a look at this conversation and then decide Yourself.

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where’s your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad?s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

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Now Imp Health Related Questions
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Ques1: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart ?

Ans:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2. Exercise - Half an hour’s walk, at least five days a week; avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control blood pressure and sugar

Ques2: Is eating non-veg food (fish) good for the heart?

Ans: No

Ques3: It’s still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person
gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?

Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Ques4: Are heart diseases hereditary?

Ans: Yes

Ques5: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?

Ans: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

To be continued in next post…..

Today’s Jokes

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The best relation ever is between two eyes, “they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together”. STILL they never see each other directly. But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.

Moral of the story: Girl can break any kind of relationship…

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How to stay young……

1) Laugh & fun, don’t be gloomy

2) Let bygones be bygones. Dwelling on the past inflicts unnecessary stress.

3) Early to bed, early to rise, is healthy & wise

4) Stay lean, being just 30% overweight is bad.

5) Keep learning, reading & socializing – an alert & active mind keeps brain cells healthy.

6) Keep working, doing something you like. Don’t retire, it slows down your body.

7) Be the boss of your own life. Letting others push you around produces stress.

Too many pills ruin your body, take just what you need.

9) Constantly alternating between weight gain & loss is bad

10) Exercise, quit smoking and eat less fatty foods

Today’s Joke:
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Apple : An apple a day keeps the doctor away?
Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attach & stroke.

Strawberry : Protective Fruit
Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals.

Orange : Sweetest medicine
Taking 2 –4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.

Watermelon : Coolest Thirst Quencher
Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene – the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium.

Guava & Papaya : Top awards for Vitamin C
They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fibre which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes.

To be continued in the next post …..

Let’s start with joke : It’s one of the way to beat stress:-)
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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: ” Billionaire”.
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Now Tips:

1) Usually going for a walk clears the mind.
2) Trying maybe writing in a journal and then burn the pages or don’t read them after it will only make you stressed out again all over.
3) Listening to ur favourite music.