May 15
May 14
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog told her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes.”
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get it ten times!”
The woman said, “That’s okay.”
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also
make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women
will flock to”. The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the
most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, “That
will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten
times richer than you. ” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s
mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d
like a mild heart attack!”
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them
Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good!
For Male readers:
The man had a heart attack ten times mildler than his wife!!!
Moral of the story:Women are really dumb but think they’re really
smart! Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!
May 12
PROFESSOR :
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
____________ _________ _________
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI :
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
____________ _________ _________ _
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI :
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
____________ _________ _________ __
MAMU :
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Sindhi sikhna padega. Kuch hal batao.
MUNNA BHAI :
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU :
Meinay ek Sindhi baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
____________ _________ _________ _
PROFESSOR :
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI :
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
____________ _________ _________
MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
____________ _________ _________ __
Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks …
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU :
Nehin.
CIRCUIT :
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU :
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI :
Yaad nahin hai yaar. Bahut purani baat hai.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, tu kitna padha hai?
MAMU :
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI :
Sala, two lafz padha aur woh bhi ulta?
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
____________ _________ _________ __
PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
.
May 10
India almost do a Cup repeat
Bangladesh missed a crucial run out and their captain a few tricks that allowed Team India to escape to a five-wicket victory in the opening match of the three-match ODI series at the Mirpur Stadium on Thursday.
If Bangladesh didn’t inflict a ‘double’ on India, blame it on Abdur Razzak. The left-arm spinner failed to gather the return cleanly at the non-striker’s end with Dinesh Karthik well short of his crease.
Scorecard
Match in pics
India were 146 for two in the 30th over and Karthik was on one. He went on to remain not out on 58 after having added 107 runs for the sixth wicket in a match-winning partnership with Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
The Jharkhand stumper, who was promoted to No 3 by skipper Rahul Dravid, played a pugnacious knock (91 not out) despite being bothered by cramps for the better part of his innings.
Man-of-the-match Dhoni, who started in a belligerent fashion, settled down nicely in the company of Dravid and even though he needed Yuvraj to run for him later on, never let the asking rate veer out of control.
It was largely due to Dhoni and Karthik’s risk-free cricket that frustrated Bangladesh, who were not helped by their captain Habibul Bashar’s reluctance to attack the last recognised Indian pair. The three left-arm spinners — Razzak, Rafique and Saqibul — on whom rested much of Bangla’s hopes, bowled well in their opening spells but wilted under pressure towards the end.
At 144 for five in the 29th over, it looked curtains for Team India. But for Razzak’s bungling, it could have been a very different ending and the thousands of Bangla fans, who had turned up watch their World Cup heroes play, would have gone home happy.
It was not to be only because Dhoni not only played through pain but also decided to stay there till the every end. All he needed was support and Karthik was more than happy to provide it. But for a couple of tight run-out calls, primarily because of misunderstanding with Dhoni’s runner, Karthik played sparkling cricket.
He placed that ball well, ran hard between the wickets and played the big shots only towards the end. The rest was an often repeated tale of batsmen throwing away their wickets after getting quick 20s and 30s as India looked to chase down Bangladesh’s rather competitive tally of 250 for seven in a game that was reduced to 47 overs per side because of a rain-delayed start.
Virender Sehwag, who looked to be in sublime touch, Gautam Gambhir, Dravid himself and Mongia, were all guilty of the same offence, while Yuvraj didn’t even bother to hang in there long enough.
And when Mongia, who had earlier used his experience to bowl his full quota of overs, picking up three for 49 in the process, was also fooled by Sakib into popping up a catch, the stage was set for India’s two wicket-keeper-batsmen to take centrestage, which they did in style.
Earlier, the Bangladeshi batsmen failed to turn the heat on India especially after the visitors lost the services of Sreesanth because of cramps.
The Kerala pacer, who bowled the best among the three pacers, suffered an attack of cramps soon after finishing his opening spell during which he repeatedly beat the bat. He could not return to bowl at the death and his quota had to to be made up India’s part-time spinners, Mongia and Sehwag whom the Bangla batsmen found hard to get away.
Bangladesh got off to a brisk start, thanks to young Tamim Iqbal and the experienced Javed Omar, who too on the Indian pace attack head on.
A few audacious shots by Tamim had Indians scratching their heads, but the youngster got carried away and holed out to Sehwag in the deep off Mongia.
After skipper Bashar only managed to spoon up a simple catch to mid-on, it was left to Omar to anchor the innings, a task, he performed to perfection. He got good support from Sakib (50) and Ashraful (29).
Bangladesh missed not only Mashrafe Mortaza the bowler, but also his big-hitting during the slog as they perhaps ended up 20 runs short.
May 10
Equations:
1. SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
3. One Chinese gymnast = India ’s Gold Medal tally since 1896
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada
= a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability +
personality + own production company = Kajol
8. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati
= A SUPERSTAR.
9. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent
= Abhishek Bachchan
10. Any actor + Any actress + many movies
= David Dhawan
11. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
12. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
13. 1 person + straight hair
+ un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
14. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
15. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs
+ Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than
Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya Film
16…. This one is the best of all, a big one
………Software Engineer + No Work =
Reading all Forwards
May 10
goto www.google.com
enter “she invented” in the search box
look at the results
May 09
Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.
Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
Par Dosti Ke Lye Waqt Nahi.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
Jab Apane Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Tu Hi Bata E Zindagi,
Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi…….
May 09
|
High School/Jr.High 10 PRINT “HELLO WORLD”
First year in College
Senior year in College
New professional for(i = 0; i <>
Seasoned professional class string public: string(const string &s) : size( s.size) ~string() friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &); ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s) string &string::operator=(const char *chrs) int main() str = “Hello World”; return(0);
Master Programmer // bring in my interfaces [ [ // some code related header files // needed typelibs [ #include “ipfix.hxx” extern HANDLE hEvent; class CHello : public CHelloBase CHello(IUnknown *pUnk); HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString); private: #include <> int CHello::cObjRef = 0; CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk) HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString) CHello::~CHello(void) // when the object count goes to zero, stop the server return; #include HANDLE hEvent; int _cdecl main( hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL); // Initialize the OLE libraries CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER, // wait on an event to stop // revoke and release the class object // Tell OLE we are going away. return(0); extern CLSID CLSID_CHello; CLSID CLSID_CHello = { _/* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */ UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { _/* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */ #include int _cdecl main( // get object path // get print string printf(”Linking to object %ws\n”, wcsPath); // Initialize the OLE libraries if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) { hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk); if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) { // print a string out Sleep(2000); // Tell OLE we are going away. return(0); |
———————————————————————————-
Output
HELLO WORLD
Jab output same hai to itni magajmari kyon ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
May 08
Zindagi hai to Khwaab Hai
__Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_____________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
___________________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
_____________________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
_______________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
_____________________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
_________________________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
______________________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
________________________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
______________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
_________________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
__Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye
May 08
1)A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
“Why do we have to learn this stuff?” the frustrated student blurted out.
“To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”
The professor stared at the student without saying a word. “Physics saves lives,” he finally continued, “because it keeps the idiots out of medical school.”
2)Then there’s the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, “Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates.” The woman replies, “Yes. Now, we’re going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we.”
Now one Health Tip:
When you try to call someone through mobile phone, don’t put your mobile closer to your ears until the recipient answers Because directly after dialing, the mobile phone would use it’s maximum signaling power, which is: 2watts = 33dbi Please Be Careful Message as received ( Save your brain ) Please use left ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly. This is a true fact from Apollo medical team
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